


I Get To Love You: Part 1, Chapter 4

by parabacrybaby



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Couples Fight, I JUST REALLY WANT THEM TO BE REALISTIC AS POSSIBLE, M/M, Malec, Malec Angst, Mild Angst, SORRY YALL, YOU CANT TELL ME ALEC WOULDN'T HAVE THIS ISSUE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 11:12:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9721709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parabacrybaby/pseuds/parabacrybaby
Summary: I really wanted to explore Magnus and Alec's relationship not only in their everyday interactions around Madzie, but also with how raising Madzie would be. While Magnus has been a parent 10 times over, I think its realistic that while true to his heart Alec would not initially realize what it takes to be a parent, especially when Madzie is at Magnus's loft.This is also from Magnus' POV, because I feel like homeboy doesn't get enough of his own POV chapters, I normally see mostly Alec-centered POV fics.





	

 

 

Magnus took another sip from his martini glass as he stared out at the view from the balcony of his loft. It had been a very long day for him, and despite his attempts to unwind his nerves prevented him from finding any resolution.   He slightly turned his head to the side as he heard the doorknob turn to open. Alec stepped in, his feet dragging as he gently closed the door, trying to avoid making too much noise.

“Magnus, hey.” Alec hushed in his direction. Magnus turned his head forward again, his foot bouncing as his leg hung over his knee. He took another sip of his drink.

“Magnus,” Alec repeated. Magnus could hear his footsteps approaching behind him. A second later, Alec was standing in front of him, his tall, lean torso blocking his view of the city skyline. “Hey, is everything okay?” He looked down at Magnus, his eyes deep brown pools of fear, his thick brown eyebrows furrowed with concern. “Is Madzie okay? Did something hap-“

“ _Sit_.” The words came out of Magnus’ mouth sharp and quick. He noticed Alec had flinched at his tone and he felt guilty. But Magnus knows that his anger is justified. Alec is not Camille, and Alec will not make his anger a trivial subject. Maybe that’s why he felt guilty.

Alec sat down next to him, turning his body towards Magnus. Magnus could hear his breath staggering.

“Do you remember, about 6 months ago, what we sat and discussed?” Magnus inquired, still not looking at Alec. “Yeah, that we would adopt Madzie togeth—“

“Exactly Alexander. Together. We would adopt her and raise her _together_.” Magnus’ head snapped in Alec’s direction. He could feel the glamour struggling to remain over his eyes. In all his years, Magnus had never had so many issues keeping his cat eyes glamoured from someone. Alec brought out so many deep emotions, so many fears and loves and joys that it began to be a common occurrence for his glamour to fade around him. But this time he didn’t want it to happen. To happen would show Alec he wasn’t in control. That it would make him look weak.

“Yes Magnus—“  
“I’m not finished, Alec,” Magnus took a deep breath. “For the past 6 months, it has been a hassle to get you to do your part. I know, living at the institute, it can be rough, but we made a system. _A system_ that works. And you love systems Alec, so I don’t understand why you can’t follow _this_ system,” Alec began to open his mouth as if to say something, but immediately stopped by the look on Magnus’ face.

“I understand, you have never been a parent. You have never been a lot of things Alexander but it was you who wanted to become Madzie’s parent.”

  
“Then why did you agree to it if you don’t want to take care of her?” Alec barked. Hewas flicking his thigh with his fingers repeatedly under the tension.

“Don’t want to take care of her? Alexander you know I would do _anything_ for _any_ Downworlder. I am taking care of her, I love her _. I am not the problem in this_! It’s one thing if I had taken her under my wing myself but you made a commitment. You—“

“You don’t think I know that?” Alec shouted, shooting up out of his seat. “ I fought the clave for _a month_ to adopt her! We’re in the middle of a war Magnus! You don’t think—“  


“No I don’t think you’re trying, Alexander! We’ll always be in the middle of a war. Do you remember when I told you that on our first date? I shouldn’t have to remind you to take time for those you love _over and over and over again_. Its one thing to be a beginner parent but it’s an entirely different thing to not make time. Your effort has to last beyond fighting the clave for custody rights, Alec.” Magnus was shaking violently at this point, his face turning a dull hue of red and the glamour over his eyes officially gone.

“Do you think that I also am not outrageously busy? Do you know how many clients I have on a regular basis? And now I’m overseeing the care of at least a dozen warlock children rescued from Iris’ establishment. Not to mention you and your Nephilim buddies constantly come busting through my doors for every single inconvenience they have. Oh, and don’t get me started on having to settle disputes between you and Raphael. If you think for a second that you are the only one with heavy responsibilities you are _dead wrong.”_ Magnus puts his Martini class down and stands up. “I know there is war going on, a war that primarily affects me and Madzie more than it could ever affect you. Yet, I am taking time to take care of her. Which is what you also signed up to do.” He exhaled deeply, like he was releasing all of his anger with it.

Alec stood there, looking at Magnus. He was trying to think of something to say, Magnus could see that. Magnus could also see that he was trying not to cry. Alec’s eyes were watering, but they stared back at him with absolution. _You’re right._ His eyes were saying. Magnus suddenly was his with a wave of regret for going off on him as hard as he had. Alec’s guilty conscience would hang this over him for ages, and Magnus knew that. He couldn’t help but think of Camille at this point. Was he manipulating Alec, just as she had done to him for centuries?

_No!_ A voice in the back of his head began. _No, you are not like her. Ridiculous._  The voice said again. Magnus realized it was Ragnor telling him this. He was always the voice of reason for Magnus. _You have every right to be mad with him. He may be a child compared to us in age, but he is an adult, Magnus. He has a responsibility. Do not apologize for this._

Suddenly, a small pair of feet shuffled out into the living room. Alec’s face returned to its natural pallor as he saw Madzie approach. Magnus swiftly turned around to face her.

“Little Pumpkin,” Magnus breathes softly. “What are you doing up?”

“I heard yelling. I tried to stay in bed but I heard you yell my name. Did I do something wrong?” Madzie’s lower lip popped out, her sleepy eyes glazed over.

“No, Little Gills, you didn’t do anything wrong,” It was Alec who spoke this time, brushing past Magnus to go and pick her up. He spun around to face Magnus. “But you need to be asleep. Should we go read a bedtime story?” Alec asked, but looking at Magnus, his eyes asking for permission to stay. _Let me try again._ They said. _I’m here and I’m going to put in the effort._  Magnus returned a look in his direction. _Yes._   Was all he wanted to reply, and he hoped Alec saw that in his gaze.

A small smile curled at the ends of Magnus’s lips. “Of course my loves, but a short one.” Magnus came over and put his hand on Alec’s arm. He leaned in to kiss Madzie’s cheek, and then stood on the tips of his toes to reach his lips to Alec’s, his hand moving from Alec’s arm to the rub the small of his back. He could feel Alec’s muscles relax at his touch.

“Or 2 short ones! That way both of you can read me one together!”  Madzie gave a mischievous grin at them. Alec beamed in her direction before slowly bringing his smile to Magnus. Magnus playfully rolled his eyes. “I suppose, but I get to read Hop on Pop.”  Alec shifted Madzie to his hip and wrapped his arm around Magnus’s shoulders, his warm breath in his hair as he kissed the top of Magnus’s head.  “Thank you.” Alec whispered into Magnus’ hairs before lifting his face from Magnus’ head.

Madzie giggled as they all walked down the hallway to her bedroom. Magnus laid his head into Alec’s shoulder, his eyes closed, humming softly. For a moment, Magnus let a tear fall from his eye, grateful for someone like this. Someone like Alec. Alec loved Madzie, he knew that. He also knew that from now on, Alec would be making the effort. He knew that this happened because he stood up for himself and Madzie. And he knew that because Alec was a very special man, in tune with Magnus on a level no one had ever been before. He loved Alec Lightwood, and tonight he knew that Alec Lightwood truly loved him too.

**Author's Note:**

> in case you were wondering what the "system" they have set up, Alec stay's at Magnus' on the weekend. Jace and Izzy typically can do fine without him for 2 days, especially because Clary is better trained at this point.
> 
> Also, I felt it necessary to put Ragnor in there as an homage to 1x12, I still like to think Ragnor comes to Magnus in times of need still. Especially when he begins to think of Camille. I was in a similar abuse situation and I think its important that when writing Magnus this lingering recovery is addressed, especially because he really only just recently relinquished her control on him when turning her over to The Clave. Emotional abuse stemming back centuries doesn't just go away.


End file.
